So, the one thing that I noticed since I moved up to Connecticut from Kansas is the difference in the people. I honestly didn't think there would be much difference since I had lived here a few times over the course of my life, but I was really taken aback. People here are standoffish as fuck.
At first, during the summer, I thought it was just me. I was going through leaving my first long-term relationship mutually, my best friends, and my dad for this wild, virtually unknown world of Connecticut. While my whole family lives up here (except my dad) it was still a horribly difficult transition. It sucks to go through a summer without friends to hang out with. That isn't to say my Kansas friends weren't there to help and talk with me, but they weren't with me and that is what made it hard.
Anyway, through it all I managed to grab a job at Sears. I was pretty pumped to be out of food service since I had been either a waitress or a server since I was 15. Well, the people I was working with seemed okay and all. The normal amount of shyness that comes with the first few days of a job. However, we never got much closer than 1st level friends. What do I mean by first level friends? Here is a brief description:
1st Level: Someone you just met, acquaintances, no real caring for the person except on the basic human level. Never hang out.
2nd Level: You hang out sometimes and know each other well. Most of the time spent together is either at work or school. You like this person enough to care if they don't show up for some reason, but instead of texting them asking where, you ask them the next time you see them.
3rd Level: This is almost best friend level. You hang out often and know a lot about each other. You know where they live, but you don't feel comfortable at their homes so a lot of hanging out is either at work, school, or the mall.
4th Level: The final friend level, the best friend level. You know everything about each other, for the most part, and their family is your family even if you never met that family. You actually buy things for these people and use the words "I love you," unless you are two guy friends. Guy friends don't say this I guess.
So, those the friend levels as I think them. After the 4th level is the boyf or girlf level, but I'm not going to put that down because that doesn't matter for this and we all get it. Back to the story: I thought that maybe since I was having so much trouble adjusting some part of my subconscious was stopping me from making any good friends, and that it wasn't the people. So, I went in to college thinking I have issues that need to stop so I can have a good first semester. At first it all seemed to work in my favor. I met one nice girl on my floor during the Hurricane and we made fast 2nd level friends. My roommate seemed to warm up to me well, as well as a few other kids in my classes. It was great! I was all, "OMG!!" and stuff. However, it began to boil down after the first week and I started to see something that I had noticed a bit before, but not to the extreme I was seeing in college. You see, I made about 5 friends, but no one else wanted to talk to me. I didn't get it.
Let me explain again that I am from Kansas, and before that Missouri, and before that other places. In the midwest and south we smile to people if we make eye contact. It is sort of a "I am not a danger to you, I promise" gesture. We thank people if they hold the door for you, etc. Things I figure are common courtesy. NOT HERE. Well, sometimes people thank you, but the whole smiling thing is not prevalent here. People glare at you or look hastily away. Furthermore, people around here don't seem to want new friends. They want to keep the old ones no matter what. That is another thing I don't understand, but it is true. These people do whatever they can to not talk to you just so they don't have a chance to make a new friend. Honestly, I just can't wrap my head around it. They seem to assume everyone is an asshole unless you know them, but that's not true. You should make the decision of them being an asshole after you talk to them a bit.
Now that I have explained, rather long-windily, how people work up here I can now tell you what happened yesterday that really pissed me off. It's the first week of classes (we only have two days this week . . .) and it was my first Psych class. The professor was asking the class questions that merely involved raising their hands, "Who in here watches TV? Who in here has been on Amazon.com?" and so on. I AM THE ONLY PERSON WHO RAISED THEIR HAND FOR ANY OF THIS. Now, I am no fool. I know these kids watch TV. I know they use cell phones and such. It was so damn frustrating because this way beyond normal classroom shyness that had been exhibited in my Shakespeare, History, Art, and Comm classes. This was that standoffishness I mentioned earlier. How do I know? No one talked to each other for the 15 mins we all waited for class to start. This did happen in the other classes a bit, but only in the time before class. Actually, this Psych class and my Shakey class are the ones where this purposeful ignoring happened to a noticeable degree; the Psych class being the most obvious. This isn't to say it didn't happen in the other classes, it did, but it was far less noticeable since I had a few friends to talk to.
That seems to be the key. Have friends in the class so you can talk to someone and not have to meet new people.
I know this sounds very whiney. I am not a loser, guys. I am a senator in the SGA here, and since being elected I have made a few more friends in and through that organization. This lack of comradery in this state really says something, and I hate it. People need to stick together and try to make friends with as many people as possible. Not for some idealistic reason, but because you need new experiences and new points of view to make yourself better.
If you don't believe me, come up here for yourself, or go visit another northern state (or southern/midwestern if you are from the north) and see the difference. It's almost scary, guys.
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