I Am A Terrible Person

   The title says it all, folks. I really am. Or at least in Mass Effect I am. My character is a full-out renegade, and now that I have finally begun ME3 I know just how terrible I am. It's not that I didn't know it before, I have done some pretty heartless things in FemShep's life, but there are two instances in the beginning of the game that have made me realize my own brutality. If you haven't started the game yet and plan on doing so, don't read this. IT IS SPOILERS. So, for those of you who may not be reading further here is photo of RDJ in his new Esquire shoot.

   First off, when you are on Tuchanka taking care the Rachni threat and you meet the new queen you have a heavy decision to make: put the poor thing out of its misery or let it live to breed more Rachni that are possibly not controlled by the Reapers. Now the renegade option is to let her live and help her escape, and the Paragon is to leave her in the area (or kill her, I forget). It sat for a few minutes trying to decide. I had killed the Rachni queen in ME1, so letting this one live would be a direct contradiction of my actions in the beginning; however, because she could possibly give me some troops to fight with I chose to let her live. I need the men/women to help me defeat the Reapers. Obviously, I got some flak from Joker and a few other crew members for my contradictory decision, but the worst thing was when Grunt had his little last stand. I immediately regretted letting her live. I started crying as Grunt began to beat the mutant Rachni, it's my fault he was going to die . . . then my boyfriend (who was on Live with me) asked what was going on, and after I told him he asked if I was sure Grunt was dead. THEN that tough little fucker appeared, covered in blood, to ask for some food . . . now I was very, very happy that Grunt was alive. I love that little guy so much, but it really made me realize how terrible it is to be a renegade. I almost killed my friend (one that matters, not that hoe Ashley). I didn't even mean to do that--- regardless, it hit me hard. Who else could have died by my actions? It's a terrible feeling to know that your dickish demeanor could kill your friends . . . uhm, I think there is a hidden lesson in renegade Shep.
   Off to my second realization of how terrible I am. I deleted Mealon's data in ME2 so that the genophage couldn't be cured. NOW in ME3 we needed that info to help save Eve (who I just plain loved). I basically killed the poor woman. Terrible, terrible, terrible me. Now, I didn't end up lying to the Krogans and not saying something about the data hack or whatever it was, I told them. That would be far too renegade for me. I couldn't do it. Of course, I got shit from EVERYONE on my ship for doing this. I don't understand why don't like me to change my mind, but it shows how they view me as a person. They think of me as a racist, evil woman. I don't like that. I mean, it's my fault for being a total bitch for like 50+ hours.
   And now that I have told you about how depressing I am I shall leave you with a basic description of FemShep as a renegade: "The ends justify the means. Now shut the fuck up, please."